some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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