i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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