I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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