evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
