i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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