11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
