from now on my penis is your penis
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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