Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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