if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
