you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
