He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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