I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
