You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
