But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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