THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm way too hungover for life right now
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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