I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
