you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You can't just leave with hair like that
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
