Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
