I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
