end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
