if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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