Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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