Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
