problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
