i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
