Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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