I wanna passion pit in your ass
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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