my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
