My friends, they love my intelligence
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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