Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Even my vagina gasped.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My life is pants optional.
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