I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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