Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
