The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
