i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
