I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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