My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you inspire me to be a worse person
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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