There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
