Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
