if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
