I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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