I molested 6 butterflies tonight
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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