mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
