i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
