Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He passed out mid-signature
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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