I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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