Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
