Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Sext me about skeletons
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
