I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
