Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
