what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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