where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
