He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
