gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
