Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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