We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
