Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
