These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
