you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
