dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
