I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
