New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
