i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
