the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
