I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
