Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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