this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
