So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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