getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize