god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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