I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
