he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
