you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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