so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
