Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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