The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
